It’s Monday morning and I am in re-entry. I completed a very intense training this past weekend and I am still in a bit of an altered state. The training is called LT3 (Leadership Training 3) and is the capstone of the MKP leader training programs. I felt considerable growth and clarity as a result of the weekend. On Friday evening, we did a process and I granted myself license to try something different. The leader gave me some tough but insightful feedback later that evening and I could feel myself starting to spiral downward… into the rabbit hole of self-doubt. Then I remembered the advice I opened my last PIT (Primary Integration Training) with: “It’s OK to fuck up. I can assure you that I will. It’s how I learn.” As I remembered that, I said to myself, “OK – model what you teach.” And in a flash, the rabbit hole closed up and I felt solid and grounded again. From that point forward, I continued to deepen my grounding and completed the weekend feeling very quiet and solid.
Throughout the weekend, we had been asked to each give a reading from “The Tao of Leadership” by John Heider. On Sunday, I let the Universe pick one for me to read and randomly opened the book. I landed on:
26. Center and Ground
“The leader who is centered and grounded can work with erratic people and critical group situations without harm.
“Being centered means having the ability to recover one’s balance, even in the midst of action. A centered person is not subject to the passing whims or sudden excitements.
“Being grounded means being down to earth, having gravity or weight. I know where I stand, and I know what I stand for: that is ground.
“The centered and grounded leader has stability and a sense of self.
“One who is not stable can easily get carried away by the intensity of leadership and make mistakes of judgment or even become ill.”
This was especially significant to me because there was one man on the training who I have worked with in the past and who I believe is completely unconscious of his impact on others. I have watched him He go unconscious and becomes a bully, leading with his chin and shaming those who he thinks he is teaching.
I know that an opportunity will present itself in the not-too-distant future when I will be able to give him this feedback in a healthy and constructive way, but this training was not a place to do that. Consequentially, I had to ground myself every time I saw him.
The dilemma I face with him shows up in the Integral model of stages of consciousness. I read him as being at the “mythic” level of consciousness which manifests as rather right (right/wrong, black/white) and strongly in need of structure.
I am still sitting with some health problems that have me concerned. The biggest one right now is the cognitive fuzziness that I feel in the front part of my brain. It may be due to cataracts. I have an appointment with the eye surgeon today and I hope she can shed some clarity on the problem. If not, I need a Plan B.